I’m transgender and I wish I wasn’t.
It’d be so nice to just be happy with having b**** and thighs and curves and a girly voice but it just feels wrong and weird and gross and it hurts that wasn’t born with the right features, not just because I can’t stand to see myself in the mirror, but because people judge me for wanting to go by James and feeling awkward and uncomfortable in dresses and not acting like the “nice young lady” that I was supposed to be but just wasn’t.

I feel like a disappointment. To my mom. To my family. They wanted a normal girl. I was supposed to be the perfect daughter, the one who had long curly hair and a sweet smile with a tint of lipgloss, the one who was a star student and always happy with her life, the one who had big dreams. Instead, my mom got me. A sack of crap dyke with too short hair and slipping grades because it’s just so damn hard to focus these days, that one kid who goes to therapy every Thursday and feels like a disgrace because he is a disgrace and he can’t just be happy the way he was born, the one that’s always too hot because he wears two shirts and a jacket to hide his chest so when he passes by a mirror he doesn’t get upset, why couldn’t I have just been born a guy? Or at least lived happily as the daughter my parents still want?