It’s hard for me to internalize that people in my life want to care for me, and that they don’t interact with me out of pity. I feel like that’s my barrier that I’ve built to avoid feeling betrayed or abandoned; or more like a built up preparation for the moment where I will lose touch with someone.
I never feel like I’m adequate for anyone, that I’m a few traits short of being someone who people would want to be around. I feel like a two-dimensional character, that I have some inherent gimmick and flat personality that goes along with a laugh track and Seinfeld tune. So no one feels fulfilled by being in my presence, because I lack that fleshed-out personality.