I made the same mistake over and over and over again, I get drunk and stop repressing everything that I rationally repress. I’ve always considered myself as a grown up girl, intelligent and serious, but maybe I’m not. My last relationship was a chaos, it ended 3 years ago and lasted just 4 months, then I realized maybe im damaged. Before that, I had a beautiful relationship, it lasted 18 months and ended because my ex went to another country for living. I was a different girl then, I was cute, sensitive, romantic, loving…But I suffered a lot when this relationship ended, maybe there I decided to be strong, not to show anyone that I really care, to be like a stone. Since then, I like to say that I am happy being lonely and that I am strong. I dont want to suffer anymore, so since my ex, I show the people only my strongest face. Maybe thats the reason why my last relationship didnt work, because I decided not to show him that I care, even if I liked him so much.
People say that we are all complete as we are, that you don’t need anybody to be happy, that the women are strong and so on…but the truth is that I dont feel like that, sometimes I feel incomplete, sometimes I want someone who ask me how i am and not precisely my mom or friends hahaha is this wrong?. I have this big hole in my chest becasue I feel guilty about my last “performance”. I forced someone to be with me, even knowing that this someone did not want, he is in love with her grilfriend, but she doesnt live here. Fortunately, he is a strong guy, so nothing happened, but i feel like a s***, who am i to force someone to like/want me? I dont want to be the girl who forces people to like her, but i think it’s late, i’m worried about what he may think now, he is my friend (for almost 8 years) and i don’t want to lose this friendship. I feel like a fool…And I dont know what to do. Thank you for reading 🙂