I used to beat my mother everyday for 5 years. I am a girl and am 19 now. I would beat her with hand, sticks everything. She has bruises and scars all over her body till this day. I was a demon. I didnt know what I was doing. I gave irrational logics and reasons as to why she should tolerate the hour long beatings and she agreed with the fear of me not doing anything stupid. I was a demon. I want to die. I cant forgive myself. I dont know how to live with this guilt. No i dont want anyone to tell me to be with my mom. I never want to see her face again. I cant believe how a person tolerates an inhumanly behaviour like this for the sake of love, just because of her daughter. How could she be okay with this. I still hate her. I dont ever want to talk to her. I want to move out and hope we never meet. But how can i live with this past? I dont deserve to live right? I should die. I dont love anyone. None of my parents so the act of loving someone is a joke. I dont want anything from anyone. I just want to be freed from this. I was in a bubble. I didnt know anything. I never talked about this to anyone because no one in their right minds would beleive this thing happens in this world where a daughter beats her mother for 3-4 hours a day continuously till her mother bleeds and her mother bears everything for i dont know what. I dont want anyone to judge my mother. She is the best mother in the world. She loved me more than her life. She thought i would understand oneday. And i did today. It’s like realization hit me in oneday. But we hate each other now. I hate her for letting me do this and for multiple other things. I am not crazy or a psychopath. This took me courage to write. I never thought i would share this but i want to forgive myself. And i dont want to talk to my mother again.