I went online to an anonymous site and shared my body through webcam with strangers. I used it to pleasure them and try to pleasure myself. I did not show my face of course. But it wasn’t even fulfilling, just frenzied desperation. I feel disgusted with myself, like I’m tainted, even though people were positive about my body and it was exciting at first. Now I just feel gross and hope no one ever finds out. I think this is part of me acting out through ptsd, i’m a survivor of s***** abuse. I don’t know how to get into a relationship without running away because I was abused as a child so I guess now that I’m an adult I’m trying to make connections with strangers. It’s awful and disgusting and I wish I could undo that. Break my webcam or something. I’m so lost.