I have cheated on everyone I have been in a relationship with. I hate this because I know how painful it is, My dad did to my mother, carried on another relationship outside of their marriage from before I was born. I believe in being faithful but it is so hard for me to be alone. I am divorced and cheated on my spouse, we had poor communication and I felt so badly after he got his dwi, I wanted to hurt him back. And then it felt awful, because that is not who I want to be. I am so emotionally needy and anti social. I have been afraid to live ever since I can remember. I cheated on my current boyfriend 5 times. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have trust issues and the way I deal is by doing the thing that would hurt me the most, to them. It is not rational. I wish I was a better person. I want to have more self control. I want to be more giving and accepting of myself and others. I am sorry for the pain that I have caused. Now it only pains me because I have to live with it. I wish I could make it go away.