I want to die so badly… I did something dumb and caused my parents lot’s of pain (more than once). They probably think I’m being selfish for hiding things, doing the dumb thing, and lying. I didn’t mean to lie and hurt them… I just don’t want to hurt them but I’m like any other person that has urges and wants. I lie because it would upset them if I was honest and they’d yell and get mad at me… well they still get mad when they find out I lied or kept things to myself to avoid getting yelled at or worrying them… I feel like I’m a dumb idiot that’s a failure. I’d kill myself but that would just show them I’m even more selfish than they thought… I’m constantly battling between doing things I enjoy and being a good daughter for them… But it’s hard being good and work hard when you haven’t lived for yourself in such a long time and could care less if people just magically forgot I was around. I wish they’d finally stopped caring and hate me already. I could then finally be the selfish b**** I am and finally end it all.