I have a relationship with 3 guys. all relationships are different, but I feel guilty about each one. I use all 3 of them. I use one boy for pleasure,

9 years

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I have a relationship with 3 guys.
all relationships are different, but I feel guilty about each one.
I use all 3 of them.
I use one boy for pleasure, even though I know he wants more than that.
I use one boy for emotional support. yet I keep him at a distance so he doesn’t connect too much with me.
I have yet to use boy 3, but I was spending time buttering him up to become my friend with benefits. I know he would be down for it. and that would have eliminated the use of the last two boys.

the guys do not know about each other and never will.
but now this new man came into my life.
and I can’t use him because I don’t want to use him. I want to drop all the others because of him but he won’t show me a sign that he will be with me for a while.
so I hold onto my boys until the man lets me know its okay to let go.
I know I’m an awful person.
I promise I have a good heart.
its hard for you to see it right now.
Its 4:30 am and I just got back from hanging out with the boy I use for pleasure.
we didn’t have s**, no nothing like that.
we just made out and felt each other in the hot backseat of his Honda.
I just feel so guilty for being like this.
I can’t control myself enough to stop using people.

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