Every day a friend of mine threatens suicide. She comes from an over religious household that can’t decide whether she needs glasses or not and says depression mental illness and sadness are the devil and a personal failure. Over the course of two years I’ve tried to help but she refuses to her professional help or medicine or anything and my will has slowly drained. Now it comes every day she begs me for s** or alternatively begs me to let her kill her self. Long gone are my days of writing long messages and talking for hours. Now I say a simple no. I don’t have the energy to keep helping her, but she’ll die if I let go. Even now she’s texting me over and over and over “kill me”. And I just watch the messages come. I want this to be over so bad. It has drained my mental will and made me a different person, a permanent burden I can’t lessen. But I can’t abandon a friend in need.
Some days. I wish I wasn’t kind. So I wouldn’t feel this anymore.