I feel selfish even saying this, but I feel like everyone leaves me. My family breaks plans. Sometimes they even forget to tell me what the plans are. I have to ask when a family gathering is, or text to remind someone that they were going to let me know if we were getting together. I’m not forefront on anyone’s mind. The only people who need me are coworkers, and that’s on a professional level. They need my work. No one would notice if I were gone. I don’t play a role in anyone’s lives. My sister needed me when my nephew was young and she needed childcare, but now that he’s older, I’ve become expendable. There is no one I can even call when I feel like this. I want to die. I can’t because there are people’s livelihoods at stake and I can’t do that to someone, but if my life were a switch, I’d flip it without a thought, and I feel so guilty even thinking that.
