This is kinda disgusting so please dont read this if you cant handle these things I guess, it’s hard to put this in words but I’ve been deeply desensitized for a long time and it’s only gotten worse, I always crave more tho, gore wasnt enough, disturbing people wasnt enough, I wanted more. When I was 12 years old I went to discord, I searched up “map discord servers” map meaning minor attracted person, and I found a server called the hideout, there were a few other victims, nikki, kairo, and rory, and the main p******** ig he was very known in the server, his real name is Andrew bell. He was grooming all of us, everyone would carve his name in their thighs, send nudes, and the server is still up to this day, full of child p***. But those kids were near my age, boring, so I went to another server and offered my nudes to get links to child p*** and surprisingly it was very easy to gain access to it, I got telegram and joined a group chat, watched child p*** and often masturbated to it, but then I got banned. I went insane, nothing was enough, until I found this guy who went by the name seti. He introduced me to zangi, a texting app. He added me to a group chat called the garden of eden, I was declared the leader of it, “the sluttiest girl” but I soon got bored of the attention, the snuff films or toddlers, the screams, the puffy parts. It wasnt enough anymore. I was then desensitized to child p***, I deleted the app, not because I was scared or regretted it but because I needed storage on my phone, there was so much I didnt have space to use anything. So I deleted it, I still miss it and wonder if I should find them and go back down that rabbit hole again, I know I s*** but I am now 14 about to go to high school and I have no idea what I am anymore, I need something more.