Forgiveness is soo hard to feel. Some of the guys here are really sick. I hate them. I hate how judgmental they are. Self Righteous. I just feel sad. I

6 years

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Forgiveness is soo hard to feel. Some of the guys here are really sick. I hate them. I hate how judgmental they are. Self Righteous. I just feel sad. I want to become a better version of myself. I just pray I never attract a guy like the guys here who have been abusive to women.

I’m currently in a loving relationship with a wonderful man. He is amazing. He is not only someone I love but he is someone I deeply respect. Oh he isn’t perfect. He makes a lot of mistakes. But he is a dear friend. (and he happens to be s***) We met last year. He was sweet and kind. If a little awkward and a little geeky. But I happen to like that in a man. I want to “reinvent” myself. Shock the heck out of him. I lost approx 75 lbs. I have more to go. But I know I will succeed. I deliberately hide my pics now. I don’t let him see what I look like. I plan on getting my hair done (with a few high lights) and a new wardrobe. When I see him again this Spring. I earned it after such hard work to be thinner and healthier. He loved me when I wasn’t that attractive. He is a keeper. I’m not letting go unless I must. But he is a treasure I found quite by accident. I truly wasn’t looking when he and I Met. I had NO idea I could ever love or be loved soooo deeply. He asked me to marry him. He is incredible. I guess life does get better if you just don’t give up. I have a new career path and trajectory. He has been a huge miracle worker in my path. God sent him to me. I think he might just be my Mr. Right. I hope. Guess time will truly tell if he is destined for me. The blessing? When i said NO to all s***** intimacy. He didn’t run. He got to know me. I got to know him. He stayed. I still can’t believe its been 4 yrs now that he and I connected. I haven’t given up or run. (and nor has he). Its a little miracle in my life. I thank God for that gift of love.

New Confession

Before time began,
there was the Cube.
We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our masterrace was born.
For a time,
we lived in harmony.
But like all great power,
some wanted it for good,
others for evil.
And so began the war.
A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death,
and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space.
We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home.
Searching every star,
every world.
And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called… Earth.
the All Spark fells to Earth
But we were already too late

Optimus Primer

Related Confessions

Some of this i learned and processed years after when my mother told me. Even when i was an infant if i was crying or fussy she would fondle my g e n i t a l s to soothe me and take me to breast. Apparently even when she was trying to toilet train as a first reward system she would do it as a reward. When i was no longer bedwetting she had me sleep in her bed. She continued to brrastfeed me for many years, long past puberty. She did so to make me obedient whether it was good grades or chores or general behavior. When school first started it was neurotic so she escalated it. At some point that i remember from around 7 or 8 she would use her mouth as a special treat. She also said she did it because boys are dirty and bad. She said she did it to keep me from shaming or degrading myself. When hair began to grow on my body she kept me shaved because she said ikept me her cute little boy. She did not tell me this until i dreamt it but apparently overnight she would commonly at same general age have me lay on top of her and rub my p e n i s against her between her legs. These things happened commonly until the first time i e j a c ulated when she had her mouth on me. From that event on she would have me enter her and climax every morning and every night at bedtime. To her it was keeping me good and focused and making good grades all the way through college (local, lived with her). It continued until her age made it too difficult to do safely and she eventually had of her in home caretakers serve as her surrogate for higher pay. I still see that caretaker since my mother died and i continue to oay her to visit her several times a week. I have never dated or been with any other women. Mother got me addicted to infantile headspace s** for control and i have no ability to be attracted to or date or have relationship,s** because i am helplessly trapped in that whole messed up mommy mentality.