I’m a Christian introvert who doesn’t want relationships. You see, the Christian faith is all about relationships and unconditional love. This was all modeled by Jesus himself. My issue is Not with Him. I believe everything He said is right and true. My problem is that the core of the Christian faith is “Love”. Its the greatest commandment he gave and I just realized that after 20 years as a Christian, I’m never going to Love people. To me, people are just needy, emotional black wholes ready to s*** the very life force out of me. Everyone wants something! Plus, nothing scares me more than being totally “transparent” with others. I don’t really want anyone knowing by deepest self. To be honest, I don’t even want to know my deepest self much less being vulnerable to others. But that’s exactly what the faith requires. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Jesus is God, im not here to debate that, what I’m saying is that I cant seem ( I don’t even want to want to change) live out this part. So it seems like im the bankerupt noise symbols the bible talks about.
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If you can’t take pleasure in making another person happy in this world that is sad. The greatest moments in my life are when my loved ones shriek in delight at something I’ve done for them or just give you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen just because they love you. You are also cutting yourself short not allowing yourself to know others or they know you. We Christians learn from eachother. Some of my greatest experiences in life are having the privilege of meeting very loving, kind, devout Christians. They have been the catalyst to my always striving to hold that real Christian grace and peace. Bless you.