I’m sinking into absolute despair and alcoholism. I’ve been through most of the worst experiences you could have but this past year might finally be the one that breaks me down. Before I was able to channel all the negativity; all the rage and disappointment in the world into this kind of productive energy that was focused on making the world better. I was disgusted and hated it, but I had compassion for life and felt this deep compulsion to make it better. This year I just feel like I can’t do it any more. I just don’t know that I have it in me any more. I just can’t. I have this abyss inside me that I can’t stop from swallowing me up. It’s not just one area of my life, it’s all of them. I feel consumed with sadness and i don’t know what to do about it. I hope I can come out of this again. It’s just so fucking hard.
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