I’m bipolar. I’m beginning a mixed manic episode. i can feel my world slowly crumbling around me. I’m the one destroying it. but i can’t stop. it’s like i’m on auto-pilot. I push everyone away, so badly i wish somebody could see how much i hurt and help save me from myself. but they don’t. everyone leaves. i also struggle with an eating disorder. i abuse laxatives and diuretics and diet pills. i feel so sick. but i can’t stop. i keep telling myself if i lose these last 10 pounds, i can stop. but the truth is, i’m never going to be happy with who i am. and it doesn’t matter how much weight i lose, nobody cares. nobody notices what i’m doing to myself. my ex-husband and i split almost a year ago, and i am still single. and i feel like if i looked better, i wouldn’t be so lonely. but when guys do show me interest, it is solely in wanting s**. maybe if i were smarter, or funnier, or prettier, or idk….maybe somebody would finally want something more long term with me. i don’t blame them…..i don’t want want to be around me either. I can say with 100% certainty that if it wasn’t for my 2 children, i would be dead.
