Every day I become more and more forced to face the fact that I many never be a mother. I have been with my boyfriend for ten years, only 2 of which I was taking birth control. Therefore, we have been “trying” / not NOT trying to get pregnant for almost 8 years. I have never been one to track ovulation, plan when to have s**, etc. I always just thought, if it was meant to happen, it will. Now, I’m realizing that it may not. I avoid going to the doctor to know for sure because then it will be real. If I can’t, then I fear I will be hopeless and depressed, if I can, I will feel the pressure to make it happen. Adoption is not something I would be apposed to, in fact, I would love to raise an unwanted child and provide a stable home and love them like my own. Problem is, my boyfriend is also a felon. His crime was non-violent and several years ago when a young, stupid mistake cost him so much. He would be a wonderful father and children adore him but no one is going to let us have a child, not with how strict the adoption process is in the U.S. It breaks my heart each time I am around children and babies that I will never have that feeling. No one in my family knows, nor do my friends. I am just not ready to admit that it is a possibility that it will just be my boyfriend and me for the rest of our lives, with no one to love and teach and watch grow.
