i used to be a loner till college. now i’m a sophomore and i have a lot of friends. our campus is real small so all of us live literally next door. we were this group of 8 friends (4 girls and 4 guys – i’m a girl) who spent almost every waking moment out of class together in our freshman year. then one guy sort of got detached, and now the rest of the guys in the group dont talk to him. but i’m still ok with him, and i speak to him sometimes, and the others get mad about it. and then i have a senior friend who doesnt feel comfortable hanging out with these guys so i hang out with him separately. this annoys the gang too. now one of the girls is dating one of the guys and they skip out too, so the two guys left are always blaming me for trying to further break up the group…the girls try to be more understanding, but they agree with the boys mostly, and it hurts.
recently one of my classmates, a very nice guy, has become a rel good friend, since he came to me for some help, and then we started to talk…
plus i like to sing and so a few friends from class got together to form a band. it;s me and three guys. these three are also immense fun to hang out with. and when we’re jamming, i love the feeling. and these three view me as one oftheir good friends.
umm, ok to avoid confusion, i’ll have to name these guys as The Senior, The Band , The Gang and The Classmate.
now, the band and the classmate are all cool if i dont get time to hang out with them much,and the senior will grumble a bit till i give him a solid reason, but the Gang keeps rubbing it in. i dont want to hurt any friend but it’s really painful that if i make my pown choices, these guys ignore me. it;s childish and rather hyper-possessive of them, i know, and i did at one time, in a burst of fury, tell them that i’ll quit, but they begged me to come back. i cant handle so many friends, especially since i was too much ofa misfit before college, and havent really changed. everytime i hang out with one of these four i’m always feeling guilty about ditching the rest. it;s not really a choice i can make easily…and it hurts every day.
All Comments
🙂 I can’t help but smile because I fell in the same situation in my last two years of highschool. You could say I was one of the popular kids, and I had so many friends from different groups. At first I didn’t know how to handle it, everyone wanted me at a place at the same time. I got confused and started letting down some sides, or making others annoyed. Exactly like you are facing right now. But then, I thought about it with my sister and she told me, they are YOUR friends irrelevent if YOUR friends are friends with YOUR other friends. So its YOUR responsibility to give each side your time, but don’t for once care if one side is annoyed or jealous. That’s just silly. It’s childish of them, just like you said. So I decided that I’ll space my time out evenly for each of my friends, and those that can’t handle that, they can back away. And you shouldn’t care. Be equal and fair to all of them, give each of them your time. But when someone complains or acts all jealous, tell them that you have other friends and another life as well. And you can’t focus all your attention on just him/her. If they can’t seem to understand that, then it’s their loss. It seems that you’re a very nice person to be wanted by many. 🙂 So just smile, cuz you’re definitely doing the right thing.
Also, it’s possible you might be scared to let go of any side because of your previous condition in highschool of being a loner. But don’t be worried of that, just do what your heart feels. You are one person in the end, you can’t be at two places at the same time. And consider yourself lucky. You were a loner, and blossomed to someone with many friends. I went from the popular kid, to a HUGE university that swallowed me whole and I had to pick up the pieces and make my friends from scratch. 🙂 And here I am. With more than enough friends and happy. Life is too precious to sit around worrying. Good luck!
I wish I had your problem lol. I was popular bin highschool but afterwards i had a kid and all my friends deserted me. now I’m a single mom with no friends and i live alone. please be thankful to be so wanted. I hope evereything works out for you.