I can not believe after staying off the gear for so long I found myself back on it. Within a second I was back looking at She-male p*** and even quicker in arranging meets with them. Before I knew it one had robbed me as I was so high and careless and I had spent a further £700 acting like a w**** with another two.
I think I really need serious psychological help as albeit being aware of the consequences of this participation in gay and drugged fueled s** in a conscious state of mind, should prevent me from relapsing so why do I still re-lapse. Why?
This time seemed more aggressive psychologically than has been the case previously. I purchased several dildos and spent a good 12 hours excavating my arse like a dog. I am sure the neighbors must have heard the vibrating motor, and I was so away with the fairies that I (at the time) quite frankly did not care .
I also found my interested in She-male p*** got more sinister and I was looking at demonic cartoons of she-males and all other forms of augmented figures.
Worst of all I had decided that as I could be so deprived in my s***** behavior, that perhaps to become a male prostitute was the best path forward for me and begun to investigate this.
When I do not touch this insidious drug I am a nice talented person with hope but the moment it’s near me I change, It’s as though I have no control over my actions and seek out danger, but this is nonsense. These actions I act out are premeditated and the cause of internal issues and experiences I have had.
I guess I am reaching out to others who have similar skeletons, leave the drug alone, It is nasty and there are no winners just a loser.
I accept that I have untreated s***** issues and but acting out wild she-male fantasies is not the solution
