I broke a girl’s heart after projecting my wants onto her.

I’m 23, she’s 24. I’ve known her for three years but it started less than a month ago: I invited her to see a movie with me and my friends. That night ended with awkward hand-touching, the next with just me and her: making out, and so did the next three. I liked her, but as an attractive friend: I couldn’t see myself with her in the long term.

Tonight I invited her over to my place. It was getting hot and heavy just before midnight when she stopped me, she asked what we were. I told her I wanted something casual: fun nights out, something physical, but nothing more. She left, and I gave her a friendly but awkward goodbye. I didn’t realize she didn’t want the same thing because I was too scared to ask her straight and get rejected: I thought it was obvious what I did and didn’t want.

I’d never slept with her, never stripped her, never touched her in a way she didn’t like, never promised more than what I was willing to give… and I still feel like scum. It was a stupid lie of omission, and though she kept her composure in front of me, I can’t help but think now about what she expected and didn’t get: I thought I was giving her a lot by taking her out and showing her a fun time, but now it’s obvious I was just leading her on with something I couldn’t give her and that was never my intention.

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