I have a short but turbulent history of drug abuse. I live with a good friend of mine. I swore to myself I wouldn’t do that s*** anymore, but I was weak and stole some meds from my friend. Then I asked my friend if I could have one so that if I became loopy it would look like just one was too strong for me. I took enough that I lost control of my actions and ended up going for a walk in the middle of the night during which I went and knocked on a strangers door because someone who lived there once offered me drugs and I wanted more. They didn’t answer because it was one in the morning. I was completely out of my head during this and very lucky I wasn’t seen and arrested. I can’t remember much of what I did but I feel horrible and guilty and I don’t want this for myself and I don’t want to have taken advantage of a wonderful friendship. I can never confess to this in rl because I have horrible depression and the thought of someone I love knowing about it makes me want to kill myself or run far, far away or both. I need some release over this and I hope like hell this helps.
