I feel a longing for you that I can’t describe, perhaps because I feel scared to. I’m scared because I’m getting married next year, to a girl whom I’m in love with and have been for the past 5 years. This is what I’ve spent my life searching for.
Yet for some reason I need the longing. I need the sensation of lust and pining that unrequited love gives me. Its not even love that I feel for you…its just lust. Pure animal lust. You’re younger, you’re uninterested in me, and completely unattainable – so naturally, you’re forbidden fruit. You’re all the more desirable because of it.
Yeah, we chat sometimes. Meet up once in a blue moon briefly. Don’t talk much since we don’t work together anymore. Perhaps the lapse in communications means my imagination has had more time to build you up into a person I want to fantasize about. A person I have fantasized about. Many times.
I stare at pictures of you and feel the lust building up inside me, so much that it makes me want to talk to you and contact you. But what do I say? What am I meant to say? Do I actually *want* to initiate something.
And what if, by some tiny chance, you happen to actually want a night of carefree, no strings s** with me? Would I, given the opportunity, finally act upon it? Would I hesitate or immediately act upon my lust? Would I really cheat?
I know if I did I’d regret it. But I also know that the thought of you is addictive. So I don’t know what to do, except tell no one. Ever.
