I deliberately friendzoned a guy who was treating me better than any other ever did. I did so not because he lives all across the state, we work together every summer (we organise trips and hikes for childern and it can get really psychically demanding, so I know very well I need to keep my judgement clean) and he’s got a kid with his stalking ex-wife.
I did it cause I am a dedicated single. I’ve been bullied, met few bad types (fortunatelly discovered them before starting any real relationship), and I just can’t handle being with another person, my solitude actually makes me really comfortable and protects me.
Now, because he is still single (and not so happy or at least fine about it as I am) he got into deep depressions, repeating that “there is not a girl, who would like him for who he really is”. I am the only one who knows he was thinking of commiting suicide.
Still I, despite being a tough girl, did not have the courage to tell him he’s wrong. I am not sure he would understand this cliche that “it’s not you, it’s me”, eventhough it’s true. And I don’t want to lose him as a friend, now that I finally have one.
So I just sit by my phone, sometimes even whole night, and text him that “he will once find a girl who’ll be like no girl before” and that “it’s all gonna be alright”. Probably because I feel guilty cause I know, that I could end his troubles if I just told him…or maybe double them for us both, and that’s why I never did.
I thought that if I kill the feeling inside like I killed many before, everything’s gonna be fine. But now it’s not and I think my strategy is turning against me. I’m not gonna tell him, hoping some girl will appear that will. Then I will probably lose him too, because he will be with that girl, which is of course more than a girlfriend (not for me, but I understand most of the people have it that way), but at least it will be clear and happy, right?
