I actually do not know how I managed to stay a virgin as long as I did. I had the tightest p**** out til I was about 25 or 26. I had never inserted anything in my v***** til then when I got thrust after antibiotics not a finger or tampon I tried and it would not fit and was painful to I gave up. I tried to insert my finger and then another like 2 at a time to get a tampon in at the age of 26 (I had tried before as a teen and it was much smaller then more painful as well). but I was like a child nymphomaniac and a complete frigid cow in my teens. and I was not pretty so guys did not take much interest in me. I think I developed a phobia about my v***** and was absolutely scared stiff of s** and men. it got worse as the years went on especially after ron my uncle who has been in jail for abusing women s******* assaulted me all he wanted to do was shove things up my c*** at parties and he is this violent incredible HULK kind of mad man. I end up so scared and afraid of him I orgasmed in fear with his violence but was still a virgin til 29… I mean how embarrassing and what a complete s***** feminine failure I felt. that only old married men wanted me. f*** people are weird. I now like penetration so much but sometimes its painful since the r*** and I have a cyst. I do bleed with s**. I want to have s** with a nice guy so bad though. the man who raped me was the only guy I had penetrated me with his d***. its been 13 years since I had s** since then. I want to trust a man and have good s** but I am afraid… girls bash and attack me and I tend to be timid and run away.
then in my teens I was left with him while my sister went out with boyfriends and I had no boyfriends in my teens. when I was 12, 13, 14, 15 he was still coming on to me when he came to visit, and my sister had her boyfriend Stephen they often went out with brig and I was always pushed with the great uncle bill. my friends had boyfriends which made me feel left out as the odd one with the old guy. I felt trapped all my teens.
if some older single woman to marry him had of got off her arse permanently and fucked him instead of leaving him for me or other kids then this would not have happened.
my great uncle bill often got me to get on top of him and ride him like dry h****** like a fireball from about the age of 6 or 7 when he bought me make up and used to call me “Jeanie” or “Genie” this lady he knew during the war. I had my first o***** at the age 5 or 6 maybe I just remember feeling way out feelings when he touched me vaginally and it all swelling up and moist til I felt dizzy and shaking. I was always vomiting and sick in those years as he was as well. he hit me sometimes and he was moody with his epilepsy. I feel dirty and bad about it now and I do not know why I let him do those things to me or why I humped him but that was not all the time. I was having multiple orgasms young with him and alone. sometimes I found I could not o***** with him around the time I got my period and would m********* alone to finish the job so to speak. but he touched me so much I do not know how we were not permanently or spiritually connected. but maybe that is a bad omen for all he did to me. I am not justifying what he did but I did love him in a strange way. that is what makes it all so painful. I do not expect people to understand but I was only a little girl being misled by his vulgar mouth and ways. he should have known better.
I never knew my godparents they did not want to know me because I was s******* abused as a young child and I think they found it too dirty and offensive and wanted to blame the child. they seen me as thilth.
