The year was 1993. I was 17 years old. I had a girlfriend, but our relationship was rocky, as were most teenage romances. A friend of mine was turning 16 on this particular day, and we decided to celebrate at another friend’s house (he was 17), due to the laid back nature of the environment his mom had created. Her rules were very loose, so there was always a party atmosphere. The friend who was celebrating a birthday had called me earlier in the day and told me there was a girlfriend of his who wanted to party with us. I said no problem, and after picking him up, we went to go pick up this girl. Her parents gave no type of resistance to her leaving with us. I thought that to be odd, considering this girl was 14. In all fairness, she didn’t look anywhere near 14. She was built like a brick house. Probably about 5’2″, and maybe 110 lbs. She was at least a double d, and had a tiny waist. I would be lying if I said my teenage hormones weren’t immediately on fire. So we get back to our friend’s house. We had expected a few more girls to show up, but they bailed. Meanwhile, there was absolutely no adult presence, due to my friend’s mother going out for the evening. We commenced to drinking, mostly liquor, and playing drinking games. At some point, my friend whispers in my ear, “She’s down to have s** with us.” Me, being a little naive at the time, asked “what do you mean US?”. And he said, “All three of us.” I didn’t really think anything of it because my friend was prone to bragging. As the night progressed, and the alcohol flowed, things took a progressive turn towards teenage curiosity. We decided to play “truth or dare”. The game was instantly a game of dare only. In which we took turns daring each other to take our clothes off. At some point, this girl was completely naked, save for a pair of thongs. She was intoxicated, but definitely had her faculties about her. Abruptly, she stood up and told my friend to come with her, it was time for his “birthday present”. With that, they went into the other room and had s**. My other friend and I were looking around nervously, neither of us knowing what to expect. Sure enough, she comes back out with birthday boy, and then grabs me by the hand and takes me into the other room. I remember laying on top of her and nervously repeating “are you sure about all this.” 21 years later I still vividly remember her saying “you talk too much”, as she reached down and pulled me inside of her. Considering I was 17 at the time, the encounter was over in a few minutes, at best. We got up, walked out to the living room, and true to my friend’s words, quietly walked over and lead my other friend out of the room. It was bizarre, but I don’t think I could comprehend exactly what happened until years later. Even though it was consensual, I still felt dirty about it for years. It felt wrong, like I somehow took advantage of that girl. I talked about it once to the friend who hosted the event, and he felt the same way. I remembered thinking for years “What could drive a girl so young to be so s*****.” and “My god, if she did that with us, how many s***** encounters is she going to have in life.” It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s that I began to see the truth. I don’t know for sure, but I’d be willing to bet my life savings that she was s******* assaulted. Molested by a close relative, and more than likely her father (he was the only parent home and had no problem with his daughter leaving with two older boys). This is only a theory, but one that has put a substantial amount of burden on my conscience for more than 20 years. I have tried on several occasions to track her down. I would love nothing more than to apologize to her. To tell her, “Hey, I’m sorry. I was young and dumb and couldn’t read the signs. I’m sorry I didn’t see your cry for help because it was masked behind mindless s**.” I genuinely hope she is doing well in life. That she found someone who could treat her well and that she is loved. Peace.