I knew right from the beginning that my husband doesn’t love me the same way I love him. I have been telling myself for years that the absence of touch and affection outside the bedroom is just the way he is. There are no kisses, he doesn’t touch my face, my hair, my hands, or even cuddle in any way shape or form.

I will see those little gestures and touches between other couples and my eyes immediately well up and are on the verge of over flowing. I wonder if all relationships are like mine, or if other couples actually touch outside the bedroom? I replay a song in my head over and over “I want you to want me….I need you to need me” but nothing ever comes of it. Its like he doesn’t even notice I’m here most of the time.

I’ve recently lost (more or less) my two closest girl friends. One of them is going through a nasty divorce and I can’t handle the drama, the other is newly hitched and has other priorities. My children are grown and no longer need me as much. Maybe in the past I was better able to cope with the withholding of affection because I was preoccupied with little kids, activities, and a social life with my friends.

Now I am just plain lonely and realizing my partner of 20 years has never met my emotional needs. I’ve just managed to fill the void until now. My heart hurts so bad, because I’m not interested in a divorce, I’m not interested in being with anyone else and I want more than anything for him to be that person for me. Yet, I know he will not change and really doesn’t care about how I feel or what I need.

What an awful realization to come to at this point in my life.

Signed,
Sad & Lonely