I’m sorry I’m writing this, but I have to let it out.

It all started, as far as I can remember, when I was 5 years old. My sister, she was very pretty. We used to play weirdo games since then (for about 4 years) in which there was a mysterious kissing competition. We would do it when our parents were out for their jobs. I didn’t know what I was doing. I am sorry, sister, mom, and dad. I’ve failed you. I love you all and I no longer feel anything s***** about my sister, but that was the first incident that caused all of this. Years pass on.

Now I am 13 years old. I still fantasize about my sister, and I have this internet connection on my PC. I play addicting games on for hours, in the morning, with parents asleep and I like to do something strange. Pretty strange – I like to hold my pe*** with my force, keeping my knees together until I find a strange brain rush (now I know that’s the dopamine). I learnt it in school. I now go to school, study, get good grades, appear happy but – I’m not happy. I don’t know it now, but I like to imagine my elders nu**, (except my parents – I’ve respected them, always). Elders like? Teachers who act s******* weird and use makeup for high school for God knows who. (students are not meant to eye teachers here) That excites me. Dopamine rush, more of it.

By now, I’ve discovered my s********. One day, I went to pee after this dopamine rush and found out a stream of sper**(I understand they are good things for procreation, and I’ve misused them). I venture more on the internet. By now, I know the term ‘m***********’. And then, this bhaiyya – he teaches me how to ejaculate. Oh! thank you for a lifetime of trouble, bhaiyya (elder brother). Another piece in the puzzle.

Last piece to destruction. My mind is perverted by now. I’m in class 10, and I know the meaning of ‘addiction’. My mom’s sister, she comes to live with us. She is good, nothing malicious. She loves me as her son. One night, we’re sleeping together. I faintly remember, I woke up in the night. She had gone to the washroom. She comes back, sees me, remembers her love. She kisses me on the lips (why, God?). I can feel her saliva, but I pretend to be in deep sleep. By now, I’ve become a good boy. A good boy who gets up in the morning, respects his parents, loves everyone and is searching for love. A good boy who watches p*** in solitude.

Thank you everyone who contributed to this trouble of mine, bhaiyya, my sister, my ‘masi’ (mother’s sister).

The problem, is grave. I want to be a programmer. An open source developer who contributes to the good of the world. I wanna help the world. I’m in college. I’m a sophomore. But the trouble is, I cannot leave p***. So I’ve been trying from the last 5 years. But my perception has become perverted. I tend to look for girls making out with others, ince**, and all that s***. God, I don’t want that.

Internet, my greatest enemy is my greatest friend.