12 years
x
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talk to me just enough so that the next time you’re h**** you can use me
and ill let you emotionally manipulate me ill let you
if just once in a while you pretend you miss me, and ill dream up a fantasy where you mean it
so that i can pretend that the photos i send you are romantic
and that your attraction to me sends shocks through your spine
but while im here lying in bed spooning my pillow, thinking of you,
you will not be thinking of me
and when i wake up and roll over and my tired mind forms your face next to mine
i will know, but not acknowledge,
that the only part of you thats in love with me is your d***
so m********* to those f****** photos i sent you and ill m********* to the idea that you are
but im begging you to please ruin your life and love me love me
because you have already ruined mine.
so please, get lonely and convince yourself that you’re in love with a stranger,
cause my palm has recently felt more love
than my past lovers have.
ill wrap my legs around my doona
but its not warm-its not you.
ill numb my hand, just so i can touch the other and feel less alone,
and this is so so sad but i think i love you and i cant keep spending my nights alone with these thoughts.
the fucked up thing is
i would probably let a stranger touch me just so i could close my eyes and imagine that it was you.

New Confession

My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.

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