In all honesty I'm broken. Yeah, you read it 1000 times on here that people masturbate and they are sorry and feel guilty. To some it's not a big deal.

12 years

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In all honesty I’m broken. Yeah, you read it 1000 times on here that people m********* and they are sorry and feel guilty. To some it’s not a big deal. They don’t get it. It doesn’t cause problems in their lives.

For me it’s different.

I would plead for the greatest years of my life back if it would do any good. I would scream I am sorry until my voice gave out for my health and vitality back. I ruined my own life because people told me I wasn’t good enough, and I believed them. I am the one to blame, and now it seems too late to salvage anything from the wreckage I have caused.

Everywhere I look people seem to be doing much better than I am. My body is wasting away because I didn’t give it what it needed. I robbed it of what it needed.

Now that I am stopped I see that there’s not much I can do to repair what I have done to myself. There’s actually no reason I should have to try and make this better, because once you get past a certain point your body just gives in and says: “Okay, if you don’t want to give me what I need, I will die.”

If I could take it back I would. If I could earn it back I would. I just don’t see how it’s possible. Smokers’ lungs heal as soon as they stop smoking. I am not sure s** and m*********** addiction works the same way. I wish it did. I wish people recognized this as the true problem that it is.

Today I have had enough. Today is the day I change and don’t look back, no matter what it means. I hope that shows I am sorry enough.

I lead a very, very lonely life.

New Confession

I carry one of the tanks of helium with me in my car as a way to stay calm. When I see the Fiserv buildings in the morning against the ominous midwestern skies, I just have to take a look at the tank to know that I am in control of my suffering and can end it. This gives me a mood boost and allows me to get through the day. Funny how that works.

Related Confessions

My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.