I don't know what it is you learned in your life but love does not equal pain. The fact that I love you like I have never loved anyone else in my life IN

12 years

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I don’t know what it is you learned in your life but love does not equal pain. The fact that I love you like I have never loved anyone else in my life IN NO WAY obligates me to relegate myself to your hysterical tendencies. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’ll just put up with being miserable and constantly accused of s*** because you can’t and wont reign in your chronic anxiety. I count, too. My happiness and wellbeing matter, too. It doesn’t all get tossed to the wayside as a way of “showing my love”. In fact, if you had any love or respect for me, you wouldn’t even LET me do something like that. The fact that I’m not letting you treat me like s*** doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It means that I value me– the way you should be doing. The way you would want someone to treat your granddaughter. Would you want your granddaughter with a man that acts like you? Can you imagine her tears? Can you? Because the one she loves calls her names and accuses her of s*** on a constant basis and thinks her putting up with it is the way she’s supposed to show her love and devotion? Would you feel comfortable with that? It’s not love. It’s not respect. When she came to you crying, would you tell her just to put up and deal with it? See, you think just because she’s young and she “doesn’t know” what youve done and what you do, its no big deal. Same mistake you made with your own kids. They don’t have to know. They picked up your habits anyway. So, if you think my not putting up with your stupid b******* means I don’t love you, then it’s because have a very stunted and damaged view of what it means to love someone at all. Especially when you wouldnt put up with any of it yourself. So have a nice life. Im moving on. Literally. I have a moving van and its packed. Love does not equal pain. And while you’re here, Im going to go live the life I want and deserve. Have fun with your trailer park life.

New Confession

I think I had fun last night. There is a hole in my pantyhose at the crotch. I’m sticky and crusty and the bed is a mess, stained and stinks. Wish I had the video.

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.