Sorry if it’s a little long….

I asked my boyfriend if I could use his phone one night. We were at a game night, and I was an extra to sit in for people when they wanted a smoke break. He asked me “for what?” “To go on the internet. I’m a little bored.” He tossed his phone to me without any hesitation, and went back to the game. I went to his chrome app, and noticed that he was already logged into facebook.

I didn’t want to snoop…. I really didn’t…. It’s like I couldn’t help it… I have had my trust shattered by people in my past, and broken by him before. We’re still building trust back up between each other. And I just feel…. Dirty and guilty and shameful….

It started with just the facebook…. then it went to going through his history… then his texts…. then his downloads…. then i started panicking when i realized that I didn’t know how to completely close the apps that I had opened, and that I didn’t know which ones were already open when he gave me his phone….

When he got his phone back, he asked me why his message folder was opened to a message he hadn’t touched in weeks, and why a download was opened. I didn’t lie, but I didn’t confess what I had done…

I told him that I had opened the messages to get the icon/bubble go away from when the text came through about “75% data used” when I was on his phone. True. And the other things that were open were me not knowing how to use a smartphone, trying to figure it out myself, failing, pressing buttons, and being smartphone-stupid.

He closed the apps and didn’t ask me any more questions about it. He did check the internet history, but when he didn’t find anything but facebook and random articles, he made a joke about a few of the article names, and dropped it.

I feel filthy….