I had a pretty bad break up. It’s been a while (Months. Maybe a year. I’ve lost track because I’ve been so busy with work and school), and I’ve been through periods of numbness and craving affection.

Sometimes, especially tonight, I just want to feel a loving touch again.
I just want to feel someone’s head on my shoulder.
I want to feel them caress my chest.
I want to feel them run their fingers through my chest hair and belly hair so lovingly and adoringly…
I just want to have my arm around them as I bask in their soft hands… and bask in their lips on my neck, and the sweet nothings whispered in my ear.

I want to feel that medium between aroused and relaxed, without the obligation of s**.
I want to feel my heart race again.
I want to fall asleep like that.

Even though I go through periods of complete numbness where I feel nothing for nobody, not even the slightest hint of s***** or romantic attraction… A large part of me wants that again.

It’s just so hard to get out of my shell and reach out to others…
It’s so hard to get back into the “game” after having my heart broken…
It’s hard moving on, even when the break up was mutual and on grounds that are more than understandable. (Baggage from a terrible, horrible “father” that ultimately caused a psychological breakdown for her. Which ultimately ended the relationship.)
I’ve moved on before. But this relationship was different… It was actually love.