i had a sexting buddy that devolved into a compulsive s***** relationship-it was terrible because of how i kept my s** life secret from everyone-me confessing my attraction to her was an increcibly bold move incurred by stress and compulsion, and looking about it now incredibly objectifying-because i made her out to be some fat chick or something, knowing what i know now-im not cool with my behavior. I dumped her because I thought she was making me feel crazy inside that summer-but no-I was becoming crazy because the signs were coming to a head that I could not support myself doing the graduate work I was doing. She wanted to be kind and have a connection-I treated the s** relationship between us like it was ordering pizza-and a one way order at that. I kept her away from me becasue i was ashamed of myself-and then i dumped her. The next summer it was a completely differnt story- I couldn’t stop obsessing about her because I wanted s** to comfort me-and she could exact her revenge and also probably counter her feeling used with me getting punished. it was rotten-i’m incredibly ashamed of who in our mutual social circles found out because i present myself as a pretty cool person-but i keep my s******** so on the down low because of my shame-it becmes a place where alot of unregulated crazyness came out. I’m glad I realize now how low and self centered I felt because I was at first only mortified because of what people would think of me-but then I recognized-holy s***-I acted out alot of emotional crazyness towards her, and probably her me-but I was not proud of how I conducted myself. By confessing this I carry my head high from now on in stituation where someone could see or know me as connected to that situation. I completely release the secret poision i was carrying from holding my life back, this blockage releases me from and more guilt and shame and I am called towards a s******** that is completely integrated into my new ability to create loving caring relationships and bonds.