i thought i saw her the other day. my heart dropped like stones in my stomach, crushing every butterfly. i convinced myself it wasn’t her, couldn’t have been. i f****** swear if you ever came back into my life….i don’t even know how i’d react. there is too much. f*** you nicole. that would be all i could probably say. and need. just f*** you. for everything. i hope you have suffered three times more than i. i hope you thought of me every night writhing in bed, i hope you dreamt of me, i hope you thought you saw me places, or heard my voice, or smelled a smell and had that feeling and turned around and i wasn’t ever there, ever. every day for the rest of your f****** life.

erin: please talk to me again. even if i just want to deny you.
cake: maybe we could mess around some more. if i feel like it sometime. maybe.

i am always the only one left caring, wondering. the only one it ever meant anything to. why does everyone else have such an easy time forgetting.