I can feel a deep and savage joy coursing through my stomach and intestines. It makes me feel a little unsettled, and greatly gratified. All I can do is let a sick smile spread across my face.

A guy friend for whom I’ve had an uncontrollable lust for years just dumped his evil, vile, immature, talentless, brainless, hollow harpy of a girlfriend. FINALLY. I should feel sympathy. This can’t be easy for him, regardless of who did the dumping. But all I feel is primal satisfaction and dark triumph. I don’t even know I’d want to date him. But I know I’ve wanted her gone for many years. And now I’ve won.

I am a bad person, and I don’t care. I will enjoy this feeling of animal victory while it lasts. I don’t get to win much at life.

And when I see him tomorrow, I’ll be all dressed up. This is what I’ve been waiting for. She’s failed, and I’m free to take him for my own.