i’ve been promoted to management because i lied about my abilities and everyone in the company is either a child, white trash, or some other form of organized moron. In doing so, im now facing responsibilities that i cant handle. i am dreading it. i have bragged already, so cant skip out now. my mother is recovering from cancer and thinks its fantastic. I live at home and have started dating a guy who is crazily into me, but the more he is into me, the less i am into him. i think this is probably my fault, as i am used to going out with men who beat on me, cheat on me, and/or use me for s**/money. As a result i only get off on either p***, (usually lesbian p*** actually , but i dont wanna do it myself – already tried that) or fantasizing about celebrities that i like, in weird situations where they just take me and do it super rough. I hate myself, mostly, for being a total fake. I daydream a lot about saving up and moving to another country, working in a coffee shop or bar, or shop, something easy and slacker-like and just sleeping with and being involved with anybody i wanna be involved with but not having any actual commitments. Just enjoying life. That’s the dream. Why do I feel guilty about it??