(I’m asexual-means I don’t experience s***** attraction to anyone. That’s not the issue)
So I’m 23, I have complicated mental health issues, and while I have made significant accomplishments with my life, and I give the general impression that I’m an intelligent, mature, and confident person, I really am the person most people don’t like: I have extremely low self-esteem. I try to hide it, since no one likes someone whining about how they’re not perfect all the time. G******* it I hate myself and I fear judgment from myself and from others. It’s so bad that I occasionally have two different fantasies:
a) I fantasize being in a one-way relationship, where I get all the loving and caring from the partner but I get to stay asexual and give no return. I want someone who gives me unrequited love.

b) I fantasize having a housemaid/old fashioned servant/house-elf who
does what I want them to do, complimenting me on everything and flattering me,
but mostly the last two. Basically I want to hire someone to make me feel good on a regular basis. Also someone who will watch the movies I like with me and at least believably pretend that they like them too (I like movies most people don’t like, and dislike movies most people do like), same going for listening music.

b) is particularly awkward since I’m in the upper-middle financial bracket and everyone I know is from a lower-income bracket or drowning in student debt. Oh yea, I have a deep fear of appearing/sounding/acting elitist.

I’d apologize for the length of this post, but as a Canadian why perpetuate the stereotype, eh?