Dear Louisiana Film Prize,

You’re a joke.

The worst movie of the festival last year didn’t even play all the way through. It skipped and stopped in every airing and featured an ungodly, talentless prick whispering to himself. It was terrible. Irredeemable. And who is the only person selected from last year to screen a film this year? The director of that ungodly mess.

You’re bought and sold. You’re f****** nepotistic. For some reason down’s syndrome looking Chris Lyons, the city’s fattest, ugliest slob, is on his knees r****** the a****** of Dorothy Hanna and Kalenburg is filming it for wide release.

Nobody wants to see that s***. You’re over. G******* you all.

Worst regards,

Shreveport Bossier