I invented someone. As if she were a dream, I invented her. She wasn’t real but I treated her as if she were. I have known her for almost 30 years. I have just now come to realize the inappropriateness of our relationship. I found her when I was a young man and she 16. We corresponded. We only met twice in those years. I thought her noble in her struggles. I thought her intelligent to the point of brilliance. I thought her a person that life shat upon but had the courage to keep moving forward. Only now I find that she is venal, lazy, self-centered and dull of mind. She wants but does not give. She asks but does not offer. She is angry that her teeth have fallen out and wants society to give her new ones… yet she was given a perfectly serviceable set upon birth… she never brushed them. Life owes her yet she does nothing to earn her way. How foolish have I been all these years? How foolish. I only saw what I wanted to see because I needed one person to be a fantasy love. How selfish of me. I have been given many gifts, I have earned what I have, I have suffered as much as she has and yet I have made my life what it is… But I always wanted that fantasy. That special person… I have had many lovers, two wives and the one I have now is a finer woman than I deserve. This other, she never existed. My eyes, now open, see only ugliness. On the eve of my mother’s death she kicked my in the balls. She dumped our friendship and accused me of “scamming” her all these years. Perhaps she is right. I kept her around for my own needs. Yet, I was a good friend. I never asked her for anything. I encouraged her, I gave her things and money, advice, friendship and regard. Only now I realize it was always about her… in the extent that it was about me was that her voice over the phone served as a mirror in which I could see my own reflection as I wanted to see it. So, what did I ask her for? Her devotion. What did I offer? My friendship and material things. Now that she has found someone, she has seen that our friendship was based on me looking for that reflection. I invented her… the reality, now that she has severed ties is horrible to see. I feel foolish, selfish and also used. Honestly, right at this moment… I’m glad she is gone. Her filthy personal hygiene, her laziness, her obesity, her neediness, her falseness, her drama… thank all the Gods and Goddeses. I am free of her.