Ugh…. I’m sorry. You’re my friend. But you’re really starting to get on my nerves. Stop being a grump, PLEASE. Sometimes we get along super, super well, and then there’s this stuff.

I’m a sensitive person with major anxiety. You know that. And you’re bipolar, and you have outbursts. I know. And very little tolerance at times.

Yeah, I was up all night. In the other room. I was quietly talking to a new friend and surfing the web, nothing more. You went to bed around 11pm, if I remember correctly. Around noon today I decided to turn on my music. Not super loudly either. You got over twelve hours of sleep, dear. You usually get less than that, so you should be at least somewhat well rested. I waited patiently for you to get up so I could cheerfully greet you with, “good morning, sunshine!” like you do for me every morning (cuz normally you get up before me, and I never complain at the noise you make or how many times you come back in the room to get stuff). And what happens? You open the door, stumble over to the doorway of the room I’m in, and look at me like I did something wrong. And you give me a weird look and way, “did you ever go to sleep last night??” So I said, “good morning sunshine! No, I didn’t.” And I smiled and greeted you warmly.

And what’s the response?

A grumpy, “this is keeping me up,” about my not-loudly-playing Disney music.

So I turned it down and watched you sulk back into the bedroom. And now I’m wearing earbuds cuz I’m scared that you’re gonna get even more upset with me. You know I don’t handle these things well (having been raised by abusive parents and everything), and I know you were all half awake and such, but… I really would’ve appreciated it if you’d handled the situation in a slightly nicer manner. Cuz I was happy all night, and now I’m not. And I’m scared that this is gonna become a frequent thing, these “grump at me,” stints, and the, “I talk about me most of the time and belittle you without realizing it,” moments. And I don’t want things to get bad, cuz I like you. You’re my friend, and I’m scared that this is gonna slowly tear me up. I know most normal people could get over this kinda thing, but I’m a paranoid, anxiety-ridden individual who spends most of their time making sure people aren’t upset with me if I can help it, and I already think I’m worthless, and you’re unintentional belittlement is confirming it in my mind. And… it hurts.

I’m sorry. I know. I’m an abnormal spaz. But I didn’t want to say these things to you, cuz I figured it’d hurt you and you’d get upset and things’d get worse instead of better. I figure my issues are insignificant, so secretly letting out the pent up frustration with these stupid little things that I blame myself for due to your actions seems to be a good way to deal with it. Cuz it’s not actually a big issue. To most people. I’ve built up a pretty good resistance to people really hurting me over the years, but every once in a while people manage to find the loopholes. It looks like you’re finding them. This is not a good thing.