12 years
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I am so unhappy with my life, I want to do so many things but knowing I’m trapped here in this one place and with a failure of a life makes me wish I was dead so at least I wouldn’t have to feel how much I have failed and how little I actually like my life. Nothing makes me happy, the routine of going to work, coming home, and sleeping is killing me. The love of my boyfriend that once made me happier and able to tolerate those other things isn’t here anymore now that he is so distant. I feel all alone and I just wish I could stop feeling this way all the time, I want so badly to feel like I have done something with my life but the truth is I haven’t. I think about killing myself everyday, and what’s worse is I almost do it. When I’m driving I think about just crashing my car into a tree, I don’t even care what death is like as long as I don’t have to feel this unhappy anymore.

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One time my art therapist was holding her pee during dnd, this was shortly after she learned that I was into pee desperation, so january 2026. I was playing rain music. She was squirming like mad less than an hour in. At one point she shifted in her seat and opened her mouth and eyes wide in surprise, a real uh oh face. Break time came and she chose not to pee. So at about 70 or 80 minutes in, she gets up to go pee. Mind you she normally held it for 130 minutes. Well the dm tells her to update her character sheet before she goes and she says “OK, but I have to pee like no other.” I said “Damn…” and then “Why are you still here then.” And she just kinda went blank and said “What?” And I was like “Nevermind.” She came back from the bathroom reeking like piss and clearly going commando cause she had a sudden cameltoe that wasnt there before. Someone mentioned that it smelled like a litter box and i said “You smell piss? Oh yeah, I smell it too!” Pretty sure she had to throw out her p****** cause they were soaked in piss. She did that because she has a condition that makes it hard for her to have s** and i told her if she couldn’t f*** she’d have to indulge my o******* kink for pee desperation and wetting. She proceeded to hold it during dnd every week after that for 10 months, minus like 6 weeks. I remember many times she was clearly desperate to pee. A couple of times she jumped in her seat and sharply inhaled. Many times she would cross and uncross her legs and kick her feet repeatedly before tightly crossing her legs at the knee. One time after squirming she had a wet spot on her b*** and she leaned over the counter to let me see. Before any of this, we were playing dnd in like 2024 or 2025 and she was like “Hold on, I need to pee.” And I said ” Not allowed” and she jokingly said “Wanna come?” to me, in front of another client.