I wish I had an outgoing personality. I see these people online and in person, and it seems to come so easily to them. So much energy. So much personality. They make others laugh, they pride themselves on their weirdness and they don’t hold back. Their creativity seems endless. I know they must have times where they’re tired and want to be alone… but I ALWAYS feel that way.

I wish I liked being around people. I wish I had that sort of exuberance, motivation and energy. I wish I could be funny and entertaining without even having to try. I wish I had the sort of personality that would draw people to me.

But the truth is, I’m as introverted as they come. I’m so shy that I hate even making phone calls about boring stuff like phone bills. I’m ashamed of the way I look. I’ve gained weight in the last year, plus I’m just ugly. I don’t want to be seen, I don’t want anyone to notice me really because I’m sure they’ll just look at me in disgust, or think I’m an idiot, or just decide to ignore me because I’m so dreadfully boring. No one wants to be around a boring, fat woman who’s almost thirty.

I’m very creative. I have a lot of imagination, and a lot of ideas to offer. And more than anything, I want to make other people happy, I want to touch their lives and give them something to smile about. But I can’t… I’m trapped by my own issues, and my dull personality, and my insecurity.