So, on Saturday, my old best friend Holly is marrying my first long term boyfriend, Alan.
It all got a bit messy when he and I broke up, and it got messy again when they got together a little while later. A lot of lies, a lot of hurt.
Holly can’t quite seem to forgive me for…well…being with him before she was? And, in fact, being with him before we were really even friends. But because she’s had such trouble with it, she’s made me a continual scapegoat in their relationship. Which makes no sense, because a month after they got together, I got together with my current boyfriend, have had little to do with either of them so much since, and that was years ago. My point being, she’s no reason to make me a scapegoat or drag me into their relationship, especially not for so long.
And they’re getting married, on Saturday.
It’s kind of chewing me up. I don’t really know why either.
Don’t get me wrong; there is no element of ‘I still love my ex’ or ‘that should be me’ or any of that batcrap crazy ex stuff. They are a much better couple than he and I ever were, and I do genuinely believe that, eventually, they’d’ve got married.
I just.
I just don’t know what it is that’s making me so…chewed?…by it.

Any thoughts?