I cannot stop shaking. I feel like I’m about to throw up. I cannot stop crying. I cannot stop panting. Every small sentence I hear spoken from you is enough for me to hear your hate filled mind screaming and shouting at me. It’s hard to avoid you. I want to run and hide. You scare my like nothing else. When I have normal conversations with you I shake with anxiety even more so than usual. The lies I’ve told to cover and to hide everything. When people ask if I’m okay I want to scream but all I do is tell them I’m okay. When they ask why I’m shaking I tell them I’m cold. When they ask why my stomach is upset I say I must be getting sick. I wish I could run so far away. I’ve lied to myself. I’m not over my depressed mindset. If I could do it without hurting people I would kill myself in the blink of an eye. They’re the only reason. I make myself repeat ” I will not hurt myself. ” but I choke on those words and unintentionally bite my tongue every time. Why am I so disgusting? Hearing your voice makes me feel hate like a downpour from you. Seeing your face I can see the hate you have for your whole family and events in your life. You are my father.