Hello everyone, I have a big confession to share because I need some advices. I am not proud of it so please don’t judge me. It’s between me, a 25 year old girl, and a 28 year old guy.

I have a s** friend since February with a guy who left his country to work in my country but he had a girlfriend at this time, they have been together for 6 months (she was doing an internship in another country and for 3 months they just saw each other on the week ends, I saw her 3 times when she came to see him but we didn’t talk and we were always surrounded by friends, the guy and myself have a lot of friends in common). I knew he had a girlfriend and he told me that he cheated on her in the past and that he was a cheater all the time. So for me it was ok because he was used to it and no conscious. At the beginning it was really strange for me because I never had a s** friend and I never dated someone who was in a relationship. I also thought he was an a****** so it made things easier to keep a relationship just based on s**. But we also got to know each other and actually we became friends (we spent time together, laughed, partied, made jokes etc). In April, his girlfriend finished her internship so she went back home and since it was far they didn’t see each other they only talked. Around May, he got more feelings for me (he told me that later) and I noticed that because he wanted to spend more time with me alone, sometimes he got jealous for stupid reasons (I never slept with another guy besides him and he never slept with another girl besides me and his girlfriend). I wanted to keep things cool like before but he was a little bit more into it. I wanted to stop it at one point but he didn’t want it so at the end I thought that we can try and continue it. In July we even went on a city trip and after that city trip his girlfriend came to visit him after 3 months (I wasn’t in the town I went back to my parents house but not because of him and her). She stayed for 3 weeks but I didn’t want to send him messages because his girlfriend was there but he send me messages to ask me what I was doing. I was a little bit cold and distant because I was confused. After his girlfriend left, I saw him and he told me he broke up with his girlfriend and I was SHOCKED! They have been together for 6 years and she seemed so nice and I always thought she was a good match for him because she followed him and he was in control of everything (she si actually the opposite of me, I am more independent and have my own mind). I felt really bad because I didn’t want them to break up, I felt giulty because I thought that I spent too much time with him and so he forgot about his girlfriend. But I always tried to be independent and to leave him alone sometimes, I am also very honest and I told him a lot of times what I thought about him (that he was a cheater and that I could never trust him etc). So, I know that I never really seduced him because I didn’t want it, I was actually quite selfish because for me it was never a relationship. Anyways, he told me that I was one of the reasons he broke up and that he didn’t had any feelings for her. I was also scared because I thought he wanted to date me and I never wanted that and I was always clear about that. So I got cold and distant again and he got very mad because I didn’t want to spend time with him. I know that he likes me more and I also have feelings but I just can’t because I don’t trust him at all. I know I have been the only girl he is interested in and I see that he is making all the efforts, he changed a lot towards me and he is more a gentleman and is behaving like a boyfriend and me sometimes I behave like his girlfriend. We still see each other but we don’t date officially (even if our common friends know it, I don’t want do date him in public but for him it’s not a problem). He asked me a lot of times why he can’t be my boyfriend and he also told me that he has never been so honest with a girl, we talk about everything very openly and that’s the main reason I still see him. He said that he wants to change because he felt bad for cheating on his ex girlfriends and he wanted to become a better person. I will in a few months leave the country to continue my studies so I don’t want something serious but I don’t want to date him, I just want to keep it like it was before but the problem is that after 7 months, we developed feelings for each other. He probably more then me and now I am confused I don’t know if I should stop it to protect myself or just having fun like before. I told him that he can’t be my priority because we fight a lot about the fact that I am not making time for him, but now he understood so he accepts it and supports me more.

I just need to have some advices, does he really likes me or is it because he don’t want to be alone (he is the type of guy who needs attention a lot and since he was 18, he was never single for a longtime). I told him that I can not give him what his ex girlfriend gave him because I am not his girlfriend, the only thing I can give him is my honesty and friendship. I can’t open up to him and he wants me to open up but it’s really hard because I judged him a little bit. So I just want to know your opinions about that. Thanks.