I hate my family with a passion. I got pregnant at 19 but married the father (still married). We had been homeless for almost half a year together because my grandfather, step mother, and father stopped giving even the slightest s*** about me when my stepmother turned them against me because she wants my grandparents’ inheritance money. My parents had two houses and one was vacant, we offered to pay rent but they still refused to put us up. I had to join the LDS (Mormon) church to get any assistance outside of what my grandmother was able to help out with. My wedding was botched, half the people there talked through the reception and were disrespectful and the Bishop who wed us didn’t even take enough time to learn what he was supposed to say and missed half of it. People were there because they had to be, not because they wanted to. After receiving virtually no help from the church, the Bishop called us in making it sound like he was offering financial aid to us, and then we were supposed to watch a christmas program to relax. He then proceeded to chew us out for an hour straight about the same damned things over and over, making hypocritical claims and blaming us not having any money on account of me not coming to church. I was 8 months pregnant, anemic and in pain. We left there with me crying.
After that all of our family was telling us to have a baby shower. We put one together, putting what little money we had down on it to reserve a place. Two days before, they all said they weren’t going to come. I had to fight tooth and nail for everything I needed for my baby while my husband worked 14 hr shifts just to keep a roof over our heads. Then my self proclaimed best friend betrayed me after she made me have an emotional meltdown.
My aunt, fairly well off, invited me to her baby shower this year. I had just had an early term miscarriage, but I attended anyway. I watched, seething as everything I worked so hard to get was handed to her like it was no big deal. Supportive people surrounded her, simultaneously alienating me. My grandmother told me later that she has been holding a grudge against me for something I said as a 12 yr old to my cousin that neither of us remember.
After finding out I am infertile and likely will be until I can afford to see a doctor, my aunt sent out a million pictures of her brand new baby.
And here I am, not close enough to the bottom to receive aid from the government or anyone else, but barely scraping by and often having to borrow money to pay bills. I have been “depressed” for as long as I can remember, but I don’t have any way to see a doctor about it, plus depression meds would be bad on the off chance I became pregnant again. I have been so close to suffocating myself that my husband has had to come home from work to find a rope in my hands. The only things keeping me here are him and that I would rather kill my family before I let them have my daughter, I know my husband wouldn’t be able to raise her and work his job.
It pains me to hear the words “white privilege” because I’m light-skinned enough to where myself and my family were considered white even though we have strong native ties, and my husband is working a job where he is one of the two white people yet was denied a promotion because it would “look bad if he was working over and directing ~200 black people and mexicans.” (quoted from his BOSS). The wanted to give the job to a black co-worker of his but this guy came in to work drunk a few times a week so they did away with the position altogether. God, my family, and my country have all turned against me. It is hard to exist, harder to subsist. Please start thinking about situations like this.