im a 24 year old girl. ive had a crush on my best friend for 10 years, i had not yet admitted it to myself until this year. of those 10 years she had a boyfriend for 7 of them. i also had 2, 1 year long relationships, all with men. now we have both been single for a year. i fantasize about her all the time, but do not know if she might be gay. i try to reverse roles and think what shes thinking to find out. sometimes i am sure she is and other times im sure she isnt.

last week i had a party. a friend of a friend came that i hadnt met before. she was amazing. it made me stop thinking about my best friend for a while. i dreamt about this girl coming onto me, she is openly gay, i thought this is great i have got past my best friend crush.

last night i had the worst and best dream of my life, they were both in it. it was crazy and way over the top s***** and i woke up with a new lease on life. it only took today to get me back in my box. i know i can never act on either one of them. it hurts