A shiety shiety f****** life. I can’t stand this this is emotional torment. All my feelings are mixed up. I can’t enjoy feeling things for people–people that rightfully deserve those feelings–without it being intercepted and being used by someone else. It hurts so bad. It is the emotionally confusing uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. And it’s really really complicated. On one level I understand those symbols are being used so he can interact with me, on another level I know the symbol being used is sound. want to die. I want to kill myself. I don’t want to live or feel anymore. I want to feel and think of things of the actual person I want and have it not intercepted. Jesus f****** Christ. I don’t want feelings I don’t want them. I know this may sound strange, I really wish I wasn’t loved. I want to strip away my biological and emotional need for a man. I just don’t want this shiet life. jesus Christ kill me !!