Ever since i grew up.. I always wondered who i really am. I was never the popular kid in class, infact i’m a really quiet person. Everyone i know either had s**/did weed/went h******** partying and enjoying their lifes while im here, alone sitting on my computer everyday. I don’t feel comfortable around people and i get really worried/panic attacks when im in a situation that involves a ton of communicating/people around me. I’ve been indirectly bullied by people, heck even the person i thought was my “Best friend forever and ever” since 8th grade (freshman college now) would never let me down. Now that i’m about to start college i’m very worried. I don’t seem to “connect” with people and i dont think i ever will. because of this pure isolation i had to “cover” myself from the pain in the real world and play an online MMO and maybe even make friends there. I played it for a few years, and eventually met a guy i connected with. He knows how my situation is and is constantly telling me that i am fine, and thats how life really is. Soon this person became my boyfriend through the internet and we would skype every night AND day non stop. We loved eachother, and for once i felt comfortable about myself. 2 years passed and i knew a bit more about him and came to learn that he had past relationships in real life with rather “very attractive” girls. Because of that i started comparing myself to these girls and feel more and more depressed having the thought of “why me? Of all people?” I start having my footback, got more crankier and kept loosing more and more of whats left in my self confidence. I live in the USA and he lives in Portugal. He stays up ALOT till 6Am just to talk to me because we have an 8hour difference. He is very good looking, and alot of girls talk to him, but fortunetely he never did any sort of cheating which i thank heavens for. i don’t know what else to say, his birthday is coming up (aug 24) and so is mine. (Aug 29) and the fact that we have a 5 day difference in our birthdays are “signs” of good fate. He has told me many many times that i am better, and should never ever compare myself to those girls that i call “attractive” cause to him i am far more than attractive… weve also had our dreams of eventually moving in together and working our butts off to make a living.. Happily together. Sorry for the bad grammar.
