fear fear fear…
I had a bad dream few nights ago that i had cancer in my ear and i woke up sick and headache and had to wake my mum. I thought i heard my aunty mary’s voice call my name “catherine” or it could have been a nun it was a deep mature nice female voice i remember from my childhood like marys. she died of breast cancer at 44 … in 1980- or 81.
i don’t want cancer in my head that scares me so much. what scared me was the voices in my head and this constant noise in my ear. I don’t want to die. i said to my mum if i died of cancer or ended up with intellectual brain problems from this year you would fight for me wouldn’t you? you would fight in court for me?”
i keep asking her …”the doctors wouldn’t lie to me would they, they would have to tell me if i had cancer in my ear or body to be treated asap” , mum said they would have to there is too much liability at stake.
i think i tried to suicide last friday week because of people picking on me for loving davo justin. why are you doing this to me? doesn’t he want fans? i am worried all the time if I push him too far rejecting him everytime people abuse me for liking him he will hurt himself. please stop taunting and trying to control my feelings. you will end up causing even more harm to all.
there is nothing wrong with me liking a star … please leave me to my own loves and feelings. even if he does not return them does not mean i can’t like him.
we have never even been in each others company or home or in the same room together, so why you so attacking me?
i told you before i still like davo william and the others. i want to meet them all. its just that my sister rose seemed to like davo william more. i don’t know how this thing works. i want to hate everyone right now. i have such bad headaches and feel self obsessed about my health. i don’t want to talk myself into ear cancer its an awful one to get maybe it just is a middle ear infection going like a mastoditis but i f****** don’t want to die mate… i worry like s*** and have cried in fear… when i get ill its worse fear in me… please don’t kill me. don’t do that to me god. but i just am ill at times. i am not trying to rial anyone or stir anyone up or harm anyone liking a star and I am not trying to be attention seeking, i am calling out in pain and fear. give me a brake please.
skin cancer cream- to the person who called me a spotted cow last year
yesterday I got my EFUDIX cream for skin cancers so if you see me in a few weeks my skin cancers might look reder then normal for the cream to work … just warning you if you see me to expect red spots.
catherine1moloaa birkdale