I’m an occasional cutter. I don’t cut all the time, but I do every so often.

I’m also struggling with school this time around. I used to be a good student. But after getting my Associate’s and failing to find a job for a year, I feel hopeless. I wonder if I’ll ever get anywhere in life.

I had thoughts about cutting since I started my current college career, but I didn’t start until October 2013, when I was in a three-course program I couldn’t handle. I had never been in an environment where you had to do so much in so little time. I’m not even the only one that got into anything unhealthy because of it. One former student got anxiety attacks while another cut herself. Apparently, I was lucky I dropped this program since a former classmate told me she was working on four projects at the same time! I don’t think the professors realize what they are doing to their students. Either that, or they seek to justify it.

Anyway, I’m trying to recover from cutting, but I keep relapsing on it. I manage to go weeks or months without it, but I eventually relapse. Recently, I had a two-day relapse. That’s two days in a row. Part of me wants to stop, but another doesn’t. Cutting is like a dark, seductive mistress who you know hurts you but you can’t resist her.